I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
