sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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