Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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