There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
