I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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