I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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