Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
