its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
