she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
