i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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