Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
