I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
