I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
