I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
