So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize