Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love you. Go after that dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
