My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
