You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
whose parrot is this?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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