He is an equal opportunity slut.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize