He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
