would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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