can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
