I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
