Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
