Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
