at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
