there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
