No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
