I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
