I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
