just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
