Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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