My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
