Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
