I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
