it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
