this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
