I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
