my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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