i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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