She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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