eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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