just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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