They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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