You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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