Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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