Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
