You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
