So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
