I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
