haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you never un-have a 4some
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize