who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
