have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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