Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
