Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
