She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
