If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
