WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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