That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
