first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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