At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
