When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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