dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
