well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
