her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
