hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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