I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
