dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
