fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
