EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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