fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
