they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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