Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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