I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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