Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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