So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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