Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
