it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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